The great Canadian leadership debates of 2004 have come and gone, but did they help? There now is less than a week to go in this political contest and there was no clear winner in the debates, that is except for Steven Harpers haircut which at some points looked a little… well… a little like a mock-up for a new line of floor covering. The commentary over the effect, the quality of the debate, the mudslinging, the insults, and the general feeling of - did their parents raise them to be that rude, still continues. The truth is the debate didn’t interest a lot a Canadians and a few days later a Leger report verified this.

It found that 62% Canadians did not watch any of the discussions but instead watched sitcoms, sports or reality TV and only 10% of the population watched the whole thing. There must to be a way to increase the interest in the debates, interest in voting, an easier method to vote or maybe a way to do away with the vote completely.

Like a bolt of Tampa Bay Lighting I thought “hmmm what if they changed the format to less of debate and more of a competition like some the popular reality TV shows, like Big Brother, Fear Factor or Survivor. Then the other 62% of Canadians might just tune in. Elections could be even easier if they made it so you could vote online, watch the show and then vote without ever having to leave your home. To boost the voters interest and ratings, maybe add an option of casting a ballot for other important issues such as nicest, sexiest or most like likely never to form a National government, and then perhaps the peoples interest in Canada’s future would return.

The Fear factor format would be fun, each candidate excuse me “contestant“ could compete in events, which may well represent what their policies or promises have and could perhaps do to Canada. Like promises, they could recycle themes from previous episodes of the show.

The popular episode called “Dumpster Dive“ could feature Jack Layton trying to beat the clock, scrounging through waste bins looking for cans filled with rancid back bacon that Paul Martin then had to eat... “I told you, Paul, I told you this would happen… You wouldn’t listen would you …….No coalition, no coalition, you said… Well we could have forged an alliance… Alliance did I say alliance …… Damn me… Just keep smiling… Cameras are on …Keep smiling…. Using an episode called “Swimming with Fishes”, Stephen Harper could dive in a tank filled with tons of dead salmon attempting to retrieve as many oil cans as he get from the bottom in cold, murky water.

“Excuse me, you’re the producer right? You know, there’s not even that many fish in the ocean! Why so many fish? You won’t be able to see me, its not salt water is it? That might do something to my hair. Damn it I wish Stock was here, he would know what to do”
”Hey prime Minster wannabe, didn’t you take biology or science in school because scientists said there used to be millions of fish in the sea and now hardly any” “Scientists, environmentalists, left-wing nuts I say, anyway who believes them, they just make that stuff up, like alternative energy, alternative energy, why? Do we really need this many fish? What about my hair? … and the smell” “Get in model boy”

What about the excitement of a Big Brother style show were we could watch every move, hear all the conversations, the deal making, see how they feel, what they think and how they will react to any given situation. Then they could vote each other out then we wouldn’t have to do it. Just take the CBS description of the show and like most things just Canadianize it a bit… “A group of upstanding candidates will live together in a house outfitted with dozens of cameras and microphones recording their every move 24 hours a day, seven days a week. As Canada watches, the houseguests will vote each other out, one by one, until only one remains and goes home Prime Minster” Hold on… every private detail…sure we want to know about the ad scandal but, 24/7 of these guys, I really don’t think so. Ok so maybe Big Brother won’t work out but another way we could save some money and have them vote themselves out would be a Canadian Survivor type show. Yes, then this group of rag a muffins would have to outwit, outlast and out play each other instead of just out-insulting each other. They could transport the group for a thrilling week to one of the tropical islands, up in the land of 1000 lakes and… “Ok, we just need to fashion a couple of spears, Damn I wish Stock was here, he could help me with my headband” “um, Stephen, are we going after food for the tribe, you know work together….”

“Gilles, Gilles don’t be such a ninny, we’ll use these to force the takeover of the island and you and I will control it all, that is I’ll control it all and you can oversee that little island just past those cliffs. Just do as I say and stop asking questions”
“Stephen I am also getting sick of that Martin guy running around naked saying he does not have anything to hide but this, this is…”

“Look Gilly, it has worked before, it should work here, trust me, my good buddy George gave me some pointers on these types of matters he said “hit them hard and hit them first”

The show could be a showcase for Canadian understanding, teamwork, coalition building... but the usual two-faced underhanded tactics of any reality show would probably win out. The host would have to be a Canadian face that people could trust, a person who has been their themselves, who through the tuff times was decisive, with style and cool unmatched, that’s right…. William Shatner. Who else but good ole Captain James T Kirk, imagine him with his face lit by torch at the tribal council meeting “The … tribe must be … ummm? … free? It is … our nature to … explore … our 5 … year mission, whoops … the tribe … has spoken … you … must …… leave …… the island ………… now! That would make elections fun and easy and you won’t have to fill your mind with all the silly issues and problems in our country plus you won’t have to waste your time having to think and make a decision. Nope, just park yourself in your easy chair, Archie Bunker style, and let who ever looks best on TV or gives good a sound bite, get the job. Hey, if its really popular maybe we could have an election every year, then a video game, a fashion line and even action figures, better yet how about a Prime Ministry Idol, then that goofy kid with the glasses could be in charge.